>> Thursday, April 2, 2009
I don't know if this is the proper venue to write my thoughts... but lately, I have been forgetful. At first, it was just small things like forgetting to bring my keys, or forgetting to cook rice for dinner or forgetting to bring enough milk and wipes for my baby during a vacation. Then, it became bigger and more serious like forgetting to bring my alien registration card with me each time I go out, forgetting to check out of the hotel and worse, forgetting my wedding and engagement bands at the hotel! Oh yes, I just did the UNFORGIVABLE. It is not the material things that were forgotten that has made it so but the manner with which I seem to take things too easily and matter-of-factly.
I have never been myself lately and I know I have caused too many disappointments and too many heartaches to the people surrounding me. I have been stressed out, too busy to even pray seriously, too proud to bend and give way to the other, too angry and too exhausted to the point that I can no longer do something worthwhile. My mind is a pool of hate-words, doubts and dark thoughts, it became painful to think at all. This just isn't me. And I wish to become the person I was before all the bitterness and remorse - patient, understanding, soft-spoke, humble, submissive, thoughtful, careful, sweet and gentle.
Lord, please help me. I love my family, my husband, my baby and I know that I have hurt them very badly. Please grant me O Lord, a patient heart and a wise mind... that I may never be too quick with words but patient and trusting with your will. Bless me Lord, with your patience and understanding so that I may never be too quick to lash out in anger. Please forgive me and help me to forgive myself so that I may forgive others too.
This is NOT me, Lord. Please , lead me back to the Light so that I may never forget anymore nor take things forgranted.
This is my prayer... and I hope you hear and answer me.